Case No. 1
BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-00
It is with some… mixed grief… that I begin this receipt. See, I had been waiting for Jack to call, email, text, fax, telegraph, post, or otherwise meet with me face-to-face for what has seemed like an eternity. Jack had called upon me earlier in the year to discuss a peculiar arrangement he had been considering. A unique position of employment in his Network. To the surprise of none, Jack had been, well, "noncommittal" about the idea until some recent developments. Primarily, the Cafe and Diner Network recently expanded to its eighth location… "The Cafe and Diner: Sunshine" in Seattle.
Along with the persistent trouble at Bloodglass and Requiem… and Testament… and Tesseract, hell, the whole organization, I suppose adding another eight employees into the mix finally brought Jack to the conclusion that he might actually need me. Let's face it, the Cafe and Diner Network is an absolute, unregulated, unmitigated disaster. After Julia nearly died on what should have been a routine "catch and release" operation, let's just say that some "Princely pressure" caused him to cave.
My position as the sixty fifth employee of the Cafe and Diner Network is altogether unique and fairly mundane. I am the Cafe's Auditor. My job is, put simply, to rotate between locations as needed to ensure that Cafe and Diner standards are being upheld, that the Owners are working in the best interest of the organization, and that any particularly dangerous customers or operations are properly recorded for Jack's review. I don't know what's the good of keeping a public record of our work, but Jack assures me that the "transparency for those open-minded or otherwise acquainted with the Coffee Trade" will help ensure we don't have another "Anathema Proxy" or "Indigo War" situation.
To that end, I've been given some adventitious authority to run this public repository as I see fit. It had been brought online by CaDence prior to my hiring… And I see that the Cafe and Diner employees have done a poor job of keeping it updated or keeping it decently discreet. While I acknowledge that all of this is subject to change, I foresee this public repository having four distinct categories: Diner Receipts, Cafe Receipts, Cafe and Diner Receipts, and Diner Diner Receipts.
Diner Receipts, such as the one you are currently reading will require no security as they should sufficiently dance around what needs to be kept confidential. I suspect I will be the only one to bother writing Diner Receipts. Cafe Receipts will be collected from the various other employees and will require minimal security based on their personal interests—call it "trivia" if you want. Cafe and Diner Receipts will require more serious security measures and will likely include important transcripts or owner musings and the like. Diner Diner Receipts do not exist and cannot be found utilizing obscure and well-hidden authorization codes.
With all of that said, my first audit will be at Requiem in New Orleans. Apparently Lake Pontchartrain is… coming to life?
BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-01
My first audit is of The Cafe and Diner: Requiem, in New Orleans, Louisiana. You know, I might offend if I share too many of my personal opinions on Felix Blackwood's ownership and the utter catastrophe that was his "holy war" against… Ah—it has occurred to me that it would not be "prudent" to just put our customer's full names Diner Receipts where anyone could see them. I believe pseudonyms will suffice, and those well enough in the Coffee Trade should understand who exactly I am referring to. Roughly, a Ms. will be more notable than a Mrs. who in turn is more pressing than a Mr. Although those in the Trade should already be well aware of Felix's holy war against… Ms. Bradbury (for both 1953 and 1962's entries).
I will save my irritation regarding the holy war for another time and instead focus on briefly introducing Requiem, the Cafe of False Miracles. As mentioned above, its owner is Felix Blackwood, 72, who is himself a rather taboo figure in New Orleans even prior to his work at the Cafe. The Blackwoods at one point were part of the Old Voodoo Houses in the area but were excommunicated for trifling with forces they should not have. Felix later took a vow of silence for a while before coming to work with the Cafe and Diner. Alongside Levi he is the holder and protector of the Cane, a truly horrid Piece of Fate that is for my measure much more trouble than its worth.
Of his employees, a few are worth noting. Katherine Wade is a rather unique barista and mixologist, her specialty being a six letter tiki cocktail. Elizabeth Lewis is also quite notable though for reasons I likely can't share in a Diner Receipt—or a Cafe Receipt, or Cafe and Diner Receipt for that matter. And, lastly, there is Ichabod Ramses of the Voodoo House, Ramses. The other employees of Requiem, Aelan Akana, Jade Singh, Oleander Gray, and Penelope Charbonneau are certainly interesting in their own right but not enough to call any single one of them out here and now.
In my next receipt I will total up Requiem's current reservations, and hopefully they will break even.
BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: VAW-01
Ms. Bradbury, Requiem's largest customer, has been… well, I wouldn't say "served in full," though arguably she was prior to her own reservation with the Cafe… I will say she's been sufficiently dealt with for the time being. In any case, Ms. Bradbury's absence has opened Requiem up to newer and perhaps more terrifying reservations yet to come. Namely, Ms. Sandiego (where, oh where could she be?) who resides out on Lake Pontchartrain. Ms. Sandiego is a contemporary of Ms. Bradbury, and another—though here is not the time nor place to talk about it. I won-der, for why might here not be the place to spill that deliciously decadent tea?
Regardless… Ms. Sandiego is the new name in town, though as I understand she has yet to officially book her reservation with the Cafe. She is, at last report, still slumbering where she was last left. What is clear is that Mr. Fenimore has been seen hanging around Lake Pontchartrain and has been causing his usual mischief to passing tourists. Could Mr. Fenimore be seeing Ms. Sandiego romantically? Possibly… though it is more likely that Mr. Fenimore is merely reacting to Ms. Sandiego's renewed sublacustrine stirring. It's hard to say even for the Requiem baristas who have been working and residing in the city for quite a few years now.
In such cases of uncertainty I would think it wise to ask a local who has been around long enough to know who is allied to Ms. Sandiego and who is merely getting out of her way. To that end, it is my recommendation that Requiem calls upon Mrs. Montferrat. She is dangerous, in more than one way, but I would rather risk a planned reservation with her than an unexpected reservation with Ms. Sandiego.
Caffeinated Report: C-VAW-02
"Beans from a Buried Blue Bloke."
Fruit Trivia | 3 Words
Caffeinated Report: C-VAW-03
"Not to jinx it, or risk being hexed, but next to JHN433 Basin Street, it might be worth a wish."
Cemetery Trivia | 2 Words
Caffeinated Report: C-VAW-04
"(White, Green, Black, Red) Chapeau, Fellow Wag'd, Triumphed't, Search for 'n Pizza?"
Synonym Trivia | 4 Words
Caffeinated Report: CD-VAW-06
"Montferrat's Zodiac."
Research || 5 Words
BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: LATE SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-02
Compliments ma foi, Requiem team. All things considered, I feel that you were able to handle Mrs. Montferrat as… judiciously… as possible. Once I found out that Penelope had been romantically entangled with Mrs. Montferrat—and as Elizabeth pointed out "romantically entangled" is perhaps too generous a way to describe it—well, it certainly put everyone in a difficult position, didn't it? Especially Penelope. Given the situation, serving Mrs. Montferrat in an Amber Room is completely fair, in my mind. Though it will keep her tab open with the Cafe and Diner indefinitely, at least it wasn't paid in full.
As for the point behind the pain, it was indeed worth booking Mrs. Montferrat as she provided an exceptionally useful perspective on Mr. Fenimore and Ms. Sandiego. While it certainly looks like Mr. Fenimore has been coming from the lake, it is indeed a trick of the eye, an optical illusion of sorts. They aren't floating out—they've been floating in. It would appear Mr. Fenimore is smuggling illicit goods to Ms. Sandiego at the bequest of Behram. What is unclear to me is if Behram is the one who tasked Mr. Fenimore with this sanguine smuggling or if it was Ursula's directive. A query for Bloodglass no doubt, though Jack has requested my services elsewhere. In Alaska. At Tesseract.
Apparently, as I understand it, The Cafe and Diner: Tesseract is in possession of three highly unstable chronal artifacts. Ticking timebombs in a literal sense. Now, I might be out of my depth on such matters but I'm not being called upon to fix their problem. I'm being called in for a more… "human" perspective. That, and between unravelling this triple timepiece mystery, Tesseract has been neglecting their more present problems in favor of the future… and perhaps the past as well.