Case No. 34
CAFE & DINER TESTAMENT · LAS VEGAS, NV · ALL DEBTS COME DUE
BARISTA: AUDITOR
CAFE: ALL
DATE: MID MAY
RECEIPT ID: TEST-08
Well, it would seem that Alex must temporarily depart from Testament to deal with the big boss, who is understandably quite cross at his recent catastrophic failure. As such, Amber is now in sole control of Testament. That's the nice thing about having more than one owner, as I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for this madness myself. And for that matter, I don't necessarily believe I trust any of the other baristas here more than I trust Amber. Not only that, it really is Amber once more, so we are in excellent hands. Insane hands. But excellent ones.
As for Alex and his meeting with Mr. Jack Keel… well, good luck, buddy. You had to have known you'd have to face Jack at some point, either due to Testament's rather extensive budgets, constant failures, the killing of a high priority customer, or, you know, the other thing that might make Jack mad. Which, yes, I'm not sure that Alex will be back. It's entirely within Jack's best interests to cut the crazed shill loose while he still can. Then again, in my auditorial opinion, Alex is… impossibly… the best barista across the whole Network. I would know. I handpicked him many lives ago myself.
Suppose Alex is fired. Amber would naturally become the new full-time sole owner of Testament, and we end up in a situation not too dissimilar to the last time everything came screeching to a sudden halt. Hell, Doris O'Neal was just here too. Jack can't be blind to the cosmic poetry unfolding. Even with Fate in many pieces, it is still trying its damndest to get the ending once woven before. Though, suppose Alex returns; surely he'll be demoted at the very least. But, if Alex isn't the co-owner of Testament, what would really stop him from… oh, I don't know, starting his own Network? Well, Jack's damned if he does reprimand Alex and damned if he doesn't.
Glad it's not my decision!
Caffeinated Report: C-WTDN-01
"I(2) dated(1) her 'son'(3) on the first network for men."
Internet Trivia | 2 Words
Caffeinated Report: CD-WTDN-02
"Jack Jiaozhou, John Jervis, James James"
Research | 2 Words
Caffeinated Report: CD-III-01
"Jack says: 'Not a chance.'"
RESTRICTED RECEIPT
BARISTA: ALEX GÁLVEZ
CAFE: TESTAMENT
DATE: EARLY MAY
RECEIPT ID: III-02
Hey, look at that; I'm fine. Not fired. Hardly even a slap on the wrist. Turns out, I was right. Who could've thunk? Eh, it's fine. I'm not bitter about being dragged all the way down to Long Beach to hear my praises. Why would I be? I love the constant ego boost of being reminded I'm Jack's most specialest boy. Though, I can't possibly agree more with my cohort, Amber, we gotta get this Behemoth guy OUTTA here. The sooner Behemoth is out of the picture, the sooner we can start actually brewing up some worthwhile coffee. And while I was there I ran into Indrid, of all automatons, and I might've taken a quick peek at the "Cold," and as I see it—or saw it—we're in Arc 1. We can knock Behemoth off by Arc 3 if we're focused. And we're heading into Arc 2 as I type this. Or, uh, in two more months, we'll be in Arc 2.
Confused? I would be too, except I mercifully live in a comic book version of reality, and I'm accustomed to reading the solicits. My point is, we're on a good track! A great track even! And with Doris O'Neal dead, we've got all the time we need to wrap this up. Now, Jack did say under no circumstances could our meeting be shared publicly. I fear it might make one of us look bad. Yikes. On the other hand, he did compel CaDence to tell him our dirty secrets, which is both terribly rude and a total invasion of CaDence's privacy and, in my opinion, personhood. So! If someone were to stumble across CD-III-01, how might they get into it?
…Well—getting into DC Comics is less intimidating than one might think! In my personal opinion, skip the Silver Age unless that's what you're after. Absolutely, Post-Crisis has some mixed books and messy retcons, but it's A GOOD PLACE TO GET YOUR FEET WET. Check out Supes before he dies. Check out JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL while they're terribly incompetent. And if you're thinking to yourself, gosh, this feels a bit juvenile, spin around ten times and give yourself some Vertigo! Doom Patrol! Swamp Thing! Some of Hellblazer! The world is your oyster! Or, if you want new stuff, the Absolute Universe is great too! I can't possibly recommend Absolute Martian Manhunter enough. And if you still prefer Marvel, that's fine too! Or Dynamite! Or Image! Just go read some comics, and don't sweat the performance reviews. Anyway, I'm headed back to the CASINO!
BARISTA: AUDITOR
CAFE: ALL
DATE: MID MAY
RECEIPT ID: TEST-09
Glad Alex is back and able to keep his job. Jack would've been a fool to terminate his employment, and, truth be told, I think Alex handled that meeting rather well. He really managed to corner Jack. And, for what it's worth, it solidified my own thoughts on who I, personally, trust more. But it's not like we're all on different sides; we're just parts of different Cafes, myself included. I have been scattered as of late, splitting my attention eight ways. It's been great, it has, but I feel like I might just retire from the role of Auditor and take up work at Testament full time. Strange, I know, but Testament feels the most like home. I'll bring up the idea with Jack, along with my observations on the other seven Cafes soon. I suspect it will be quite an eventful summer for us all.
As for what Testament is allowed to work on moving forward… hard to say. Jack certainly won't give us any big services to handle. But, on the other hand, Testament is best suited to big, extravagant, and, honestly, eccentric services. And, if Jack leaves us alone for too long, I fear we'll move far beyond the scope of the Cafe and Diner Network. Perhaps it'll just be busywork from here on out. But, ah, then what would Sunshine have to do? As for my other reports, Silenus, Tesseract, Bloodglass, and Sunshine—I'll finish compiling those with CaDence soon. I suspect by the time this is released, we'll be many months ahead of where we are now. I hope that in those months to come, some much needed light is shed.
I can't say much about the other branches, as those audits are going a bit further than the present month. Bloodglass has been so wrapped up in their search for stones; I wonder if we'll ever find them all. Tesseract has been traversing history more than even Testament has been. Silenus has nearly put a stop to Dr. Crow and his latest invention. And Sunshine… Well, what can I say about Sunshine? Actually… maybe Testament could lend a hand in their current woes… No, Jack wouldn't like that. But… it doesn't have to be Testament, does it?