Case No. 29
CAFE & DINER TESTAMENT · LAS VEGAS, NV · ALL DEBTS COME DUE
BARISTA: ALEX GÁLVEZ
CAFE: TESTAMENT
DATE: LATE APRIL
RECEIPT ID: WKDO-01
It is with more than mere mixed grief but utter despair that I announce: The Death of Doris O'Neal. Such a sweet old lady, and we were this close to recruiting her to the Cafe and Diner's cause, we really were. I know we've been kind of bumbling about for the past few months but, trust, it was all a lead in to one of the best services ever devised in the history of this sordid coffee and pancake franchise. I figured, though we were unable to serve her before her tab was paid in full, I owe her a eulogy of sorts, really it's the least I can do.
Doris O'Neal, 80 years old, born in Anaheim, California. She lived, I'm sure, a wonderful life full of high stake adventures, spicy romances, and… I don't know. Truth be told, I don't actually know much about who Doris O'Neal was, just that Jack's 8-Ball told us to go grab her. And now she's dead. She loved slots. She loved tapping her spindly little wrinkled fingers on the screen to bring her better luck. She loved smoking and drinking and sitting at slots, which to me, suggests a certain zeal for life. She is survived by no one and will likely only be missed by us. Rest in peace, dear old Doris O'Neal. Heaven gained another angel today.
…Well… actually Necropolis gained another demon, but that's just pedantic, don't you think? Anyway! Now that she's dead we've got a new mystery to solve: who killed Doris O'Neal? We here at Testament are going to put all of our effort into solving this mystery for Jack. We're going to pull late nights and order in comfort food and all that jazz. We're going to get to the bottom of this mystery if it kills us!
Caffeinated Report: //ERROR//
"Who killed Doris O'Neal?"
Internet Trivia | 2 Words
BARISTA: AUDITOR
CAFE: ALL
DATE: LATE APRIL
RECEIPT ID: TEST-04
I didn't have high hopes for Testament, but this is perhaps a new low. When given what should have been a simple service, they somehow managed to bungle it up. Apologies Jack, I do hope Doris O'Neal wasn't central to any of the Core Branch's plans moving forward. Though, on the other hand, she was 80. And a heavy smoker. And drinker. Perhaps, realistically, she wasn't long for this world in any case? Though it's a clear move against the Cafe and that is something that needs to be audited.
My first guess is that it is the work of Testament's most prominent foe, Ms. Wilkes. She could certainly be to blame. While it is true she is focused entirely on the demise of Alex, one could argue that paying O'Neal's tab in full is a part of Alex's demise. It makes him look rather incompetent in your eyes at least. More likely this is the work of one of Behram's many agents… I think this whole thing goes beyond the scope of Testament and is in fact a testament to the struggle between the Cafe and Behram. Creation and destruction. Real… metaphysical stuff. I'll keep looking into it.
Well, what to do during the long, tedious investigation? How about we switch gears? I think it would be beneficial if Testament recalibrated a bit. See what's working and what's not. That might help prevent future screw ups though one may argue that's the job of an Auditor and that I have been failing. Let me remind you, it was Jack Keel who put Alex and Amber in charge of a Cafe sponsored by the glittering twink-prince himself. Eh… it'll all work out, right?
Caffeinated Report: C-WKDO-02
"Checkmate, Mr. Kord."
Spoiler Trivia | 4 Words
SPONSOR: MAMMON INFERNUS
CAFE: TESTAMENT
DATE: LATE APRIL
RECEIPT ID: WKDO-03
It was 100% Raum, that rat! Crow! Whatever he is! He did this! I know he did! How dare he intrude on the work of my beloved and celebrated Cafe and Diner branch? This is an outrage of the highest degree and one which the Prince of Greed shall not abide… even if his alleged crimes were committed in the name of Greed. Well, Raum, your free ride in my lovely, luxurious, supremely splendorous palace Plane is OVER! DONE! FINISHED! I SHALL WRITE YOUR NAME IN THE LEDGER OF FATE SO THAT THE CAFE MAY COLLECT ITS DUES!
There!
Written down.
"Raum."
Or… well, maybe he spells it Räum? With an umlaut? Does it make a difference for the Ledger of Fate? How precise does the spelling need to be? Eh, whatever. And with that done, we can brush past all this Doris O'Neal business. On to bigger and better things, that's how it is! We keep moving forward toward the eventual destruction of my baby-most brother.
Speaking of, I'm certain there is some sort of something we could do to help with all of that, right? Well, okay, I suppose our task was to convince Doris O'Neal to join the Cafe and Diner. But what's step two? Is it just that we (or Jack, rather) need a powerful Augur? Does he not have a Cafe full of them over in New York? Or, was Doris O'Neal even more prophetic than them? Surely Belphie would lend out her strange little feral Langley child? Well, I'm certain Testament can acquire a worthy replacement for Doris O'Neal. Should be child's play!
Prince of Greed, Keeper of the Mammonsoleum and the Monometallium Vault in the Pits and Depths of the Infernal Infernus Engine and the FABULOUS Luxor Cubiculum Cafe, henceforth known as the Cafe and Diner: Testament, Deep Below the Luxor Pyramid in Shining Shimmering Las Vegas:
Yours,
Mammon.